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Even as my daughter was born I hoped she’d dodge the bullet that is ADD as her brother as I could not. Sure, she’s shown behavior issues at time but it was normal, I told myself, part of her strong personality. She has periods of time when she’s doing well so I tell myself she’s over the hump, everything will be fine, but the storm always returns. Sure, I noticed her chewing on things as her brother and I do, the difficulty staying on task, being unable to make it through a full movie in the theatre. She was only 4 I told myself...only 5....only 6....
Most of the first semester had been okay, but in the past couple months her behavior hit an all time low. I’ve been at a loss, not knowing how to help her back on track. No matter the reward for a good day, most days I still got the dreaded phone call or note saying the storm had returned. She's been suspended from the bus...from school... doing things more and more that seems so unlike her.
Today we went to see her doctor because my daughter was complaining her leg still hurt from a playground accident the day before. He wasn’t in so we got a very nice doctor who told me it was a bone bruise and not to worry. I was comfortable enough with her to talk about my daughter problems at school. I was sure it couldn’t be ADD, I told her, if so she would have these issues all of the time like her brother had.
It seems I was wrong. ADhD she said was far easier to diagnose, especially severe cases, where as mild cases of ADD might not have obvious symptoms surface until as late as 2nd or 3rd grade. The trick is as the academic work becomes harder the emotional tools the child normally uses to control the ADD behavior are needed more and more to keep focus on the school work, leaving nothing for the child to use to control social behavior.
Fuck!
Okay. So nothing definite I told myself. Just a lot of maybes. I took my daughter back to school and told her classroom teacher about her leg. Also, while my daughter was out of earshot I told him what the doctors had said, and he admitted he was certain with his experiences that she would eventually be diagnosed ADD by 3rd grade, but didn’t say anything now because he hated seeing parents medicate their kids this early while the children were still building their coping tools.
Thanks for the head up, Mr. Teacher. The fact I’m the one who has been teaching you about vermicomposting and other natural environmentally friendly practices wasn’t enough of a clue that I just MIGHT be open to alternative treatments beside meds? All the one on one meeting we had, all the telephone conversations, my daughter’s suspension, with all of this and he couldn’t have mentioned in his professional opinion her behavior could all be add up to impulse control issues and extreme distractibility…in other words all symptoms of ADD.
Fuckin’ A!
I decided before I made the phone calls for the testing I’d talk to her specialty teachers to see what they’d noticed in regards to her behavior. They all said the same thing. She is very smart, loves the classes and with her talents should be able to do the work with ease, and even so, her lack impulse control and her ease of distractibility makes it impossible for her the keep on task and gets her into constant trouble. They all seem very frustrated by the fact that they know what wonderful things she is capable of, and yet they watch her struggle to control herself.
FUCK!
So it comes down to this. As much as I’ve fought to admit it, as much as I hoped my daughter had been spared the struggle I face day to day, it looks as though the next step has come. I’m making the phone calls now to get her tested. From there we’ll see. Part of me dreads the answer, though I know we can’t take the next step until we have that answer. Even if the answer ends up being that she has ADD, that doesn’t change who she is, it just tells us how we can help her to quiet her mind so she can find the control to be the smart and wonderful girl we know that’s inside her.
As much as the idea that I may have passed on ADD to my little girl as I have my son breaks my heart, I also know that like her brother she will have the support I never had. She won’t grow up thinking she is broken, or stupid, or flawed as I did. We will follow the same path of alternative treatments we did with her brother, using meds as a last resort, using anything we can to make the control easier for her without sacrificing her amazing spirit. I can show her in what ways ADD can be a blessing and can be used for acts of creation, and what tricks to use to help keep focus when that part of her is needed as well.
Together we’ll all get through this, no matter what answer the questions lead us to.
Most of the first semester had been okay, but in the past couple months her behavior hit an all time low. I’ve been at a loss, not knowing how to help her back on track. No matter the reward for a good day, most days I still got the dreaded phone call or note saying the storm had returned. She's been suspended from the bus...from school... doing things more and more that seems so unlike her.
Today we went to see her doctor because my daughter was complaining her leg still hurt from a playground accident the day before. He wasn’t in so we got a very nice doctor who told me it was a bone bruise and not to worry. I was comfortable enough with her to talk about my daughter problems at school. I was sure it couldn’t be ADD, I told her, if so she would have these issues all of the time like her brother had.
It seems I was wrong. ADhD she said was far easier to diagnose, especially severe cases, where as mild cases of ADD might not have obvious symptoms surface until as late as 2nd or 3rd grade. The trick is as the academic work becomes harder the emotional tools the child normally uses to control the ADD behavior are needed more and more to keep focus on the school work, leaving nothing for the child to use to control social behavior.
Fuck!
Okay. So nothing definite I told myself. Just a lot of maybes. I took my daughter back to school and told her classroom teacher about her leg. Also, while my daughter was out of earshot I told him what the doctors had said, and he admitted he was certain with his experiences that she would eventually be diagnosed ADD by 3rd grade, but didn’t say anything now because he hated seeing parents medicate their kids this early while the children were still building their coping tools.
Thanks for the head up, Mr. Teacher. The fact I’m the one who has been teaching you about vermicomposting and other natural environmentally friendly practices wasn’t enough of a clue that I just MIGHT be open to alternative treatments beside meds? All the one on one meeting we had, all the telephone conversations, my daughter’s suspension, with all of this and he couldn’t have mentioned in his professional opinion her behavior could all be add up to impulse control issues and extreme distractibility…in other words all symptoms of ADD.
Fuckin’ A!
I decided before I made the phone calls for the testing I’d talk to her specialty teachers to see what they’d noticed in regards to her behavior. They all said the same thing. She is very smart, loves the classes and with her talents should be able to do the work with ease, and even so, her lack impulse control and her ease of distractibility makes it impossible for her the keep on task and gets her into constant trouble. They all seem very frustrated by the fact that they know what wonderful things she is capable of, and yet they watch her struggle to control herself.
FUCK!
So it comes down to this. As much as I’ve fought to admit it, as much as I hoped my daughter had been spared the struggle I face day to day, it looks as though the next step has come. I’m making the phone calls now to get her tested. From there we’ll see. Part of me dreads the answer, though I know we can’t take the next step until we have that answer. Even if the answer ends up being that she has ADD, that doesn’t change who she is, it just tells us how we can help her to quiet her mind so she can find the control to be the smart and wonderful girl we know that’s inside her.
As much as the idea that I may have passed on ADD to my little girl as I have my son breaks my heart, I also know that like her brother she will have the support I never had. She won’t grow up thinking she is broken, or stupid, or flawed as I did. We will follow the same path of alternative treatments we did with her brother, using meds as a last resort, using anything we can to make the control easier for her without sacrificing her amazing spirit. I can show her in what ways ADD can be a blessing and can be used for acts of creation, and what tricks to use to help keep focus when that part of her is needed as well.
Together we’ll all get through this, no matter what answer the questions lead us to.
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